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[Friday, Jul 10th, 2009 @ 6:45pm] |
I think every now and then you need a good rant about how crappy your life is at the moment. I had mine and I feel somewhat better. Eye dee kayyy.
This weekend is busy. Tonight I'm meeting Henry at Jilly's with people! Yay! Fun. Then tomorrow I'm babysitting and Nate is coming. I have no idea WHAT we will do, because frankly when you life in MP there isn't much. Maybe we'll go down port on Sunday. Who knowsss. Not I!
I got paid today, yay, which is good and next week is MIDNIGHTHARRYPOTTERSIXOMG. Yay. We have to leave SO much earlier than we did for Transformers, guys. Like...crazy.
That's it, really. I just wanted to alert everyone to the fact that I'm still kicking :)
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| I took a chance, I took a shot, you might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not |
[Friday, Jul 3rd, 2009 @ 7:55pm] |
010 THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
001. I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad at the way you handled this and I feel lied to, even if you think you were doing the right thing for whatever reason. 002. I miss you so much. I'm hoping beyond hope that this works out for the best, but I'm so scared I've lost you already. 003. Please make this easier. It will help us. 004. Please stop being so angry. It will help us. 005. Stop smoking weed. It makes me really, really angry. I'm worried for you but I know you'll just brush me off so I stay silent. 006. You're a nice enough person, but I reallyyy don't want to date you. At all. Stop looking at me like a wounded puppy. 007. Be good to him. Make him happier than anything. He deserves it. 008. Come home from the zoo! I'm lonely. 009. You're being stupid about your girlfriend. You'll break up anyway, because neither of you want to do distance so why drag it out? One minute you don't know if you want to be with her, and the next you can't imagine being without. 010. Get your act together. You have college to think about.
009 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.
001. I'm overly obsessed with my hair, my appearance. I weigh myself a lot, probably too much, and I don't think I'm pretty. 002. I will give you everything I can, if you let me. 003. I don't hate anyone except for Jess Micallef because she is the anti-Christ. 004. Lately I don't sleep well and eating food as well as not eating food makes me want to vomit. Sometimes it happens. 005. My life is spinning out of control. These are not things I would normally say, but I can't handle it. I need help, I need help so badly. 006. I like to write but I always reread what I write and hate it. 007. I'm really smart, but I know that's not what guys necessarily look for and I'm tired of being the smart girl. 008. I'm also tired of being "one of the guys." 009. I just want to sleep and not feel everything I'm feeling. I'm so tired.
008 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART.
001. Hold me tightly and never let go. 002. Smile, make jokes, be friendly. 003. Be attractive. I'm sorry, I'm shallow. 004. Like my friends and my family. 005. Give me epic hugs. 006. Let me take care of you. Take care of me. 007. Talk about what's bothering you and make me do the same. Sometimes I need to be pushed. 008. Put up with my TV shows I love :)
007 THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT.
001. My jaw is killing meee where are my painkillers? 002. What do they think when they look at me? 003. Do I look gross today? 004. I have great hair. 005. I love my friends. 006. Where's my phone? 007. This would make a good ringtone.
006 THINGS I DO BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP.
001. Brush my teeth 002. Talk on AIM 003. Check Facebook/email 004. Talk to Jen 005. Set my alarm 006. Think
005 PEOPLE WHO MEAN A LOT.
001. Home friends: Roseanna, Jillian, Ben, Brian, Ryan, Nick, Alli, Courtney, etc. 002. MC friends: Jessica, Julianne, Danny, Nathaniel, Kerry, Ali, Katie Wirth, Kate, Annie, etc. 003. Fricking Joe Cipolla. 004. My family: mommy, daddy, Matt, Jen. 005. Myself.
004 THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW.
001. Jean shorts 002. Gray tank and white tshirt 003. Manhattan sweatshirt 004. socks
003 SONGS I LISTEN TO OFTEN. (according to itunes) I only have four albums right now... 001. The City and the Ghost, Bedlight for Blue Eyes 002. Facing Up, Kate Voegele 003. Tell Me Why, Taylor Swift
002 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
001. Go to Costa Rica 002. Give everything I have to give
001 CONFESSION. 001. Nick is completely right. We try to make ourselves sound quirky so we'll be interesting. But we are interesting. I think so at least.
My summer sucks. The hits keep on coming and I'm sick of it. I want to sleep away everything that I'm feeling and I can't. I can't.
My mom is so angry all the time and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. If I say something about my dad that isn't negative, I feel like I'm hurting her. In the past two weeks, I've probably seen my dad for about three or four hours. He dropped Matt off today and then talked to mommy for a few minutes about something and didn't even say goodbye or how's it going or anything. He just said hi.
Both my grandma and my aunt are getting hospice care right now. My uncle fell off a ladder and was literally so close to dying.
Food has become a problem. I know that's not what anyone wants to hear, but it's true. Sometimes I don't eat and just looking at food makes me feel sick. Sometimes I eat it and I feel sicker. Medically, I am aware that I'm at a healthy weight but in my head I'm not. I'm stressed and feel like throwing up all the time. I'm tired all the time.
I hate complaining about this, or talking about it even, because people struggle to find the right thing to say and there is no right thing. It is just the way things are right now, no matter how much I hate it. But I'm drowning, I'm drowning so badly. My life is the same four albums on repeat and I can't stop. Sometimes I don't want to.
Rantrantrantrantrantrantrant.
In the end, I'll be okay. I know I will be. I will look back on all this and say that it made me stronger and a better person. But right now, I'm not okay and right now I'm having a hard time getting back up.
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[Sunday, Jun 28th, 2009 @ 10:47pm] |
My dad moved out. He has an apartment on Sylvan Avenue,across from the park and behind the little corner store. It's nice, I saw it today. He told me to make myself at home and it was just weird.
I feel so different than when I came home. This is the weirdest summer I've ever had.
Camp starts tomorrow and I totally can't wait. I have first graders and maybe will have some of the same kids as last yearrr.
Two months until school starts. I am apprehensive.
Goodnight.
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| Because I don't really have much to say. |
[Sunday, Jun 21st, 2009 @ 2:30pm] |
Would you rather have your parents catch you having sex or smoking weed? Having sex. Drugs are endlessly worst.
Let's test your memory, what color were you wearing during your last kiss? I was wearing a pink tank top and my grey jacket that says authentic on it.
Are you legal to drink? Nope.
What's the closest black thing to you? A stapler
Are you close with your mother? Yes.
Are you close with your father? I think so...he's gone more often than my mom and he's moving out soon, so idk.
Have you ever kissed anyone who's name starts with J, M, P or D? Yep, J.
What did you do last night? Hung out with Brian and Ryan even though Brian was asleep the entire time.
Do you miss your past? What part of it?
Ever been kissed by someone who was a really really bad kisser? Nope
How many people have you kissed who's name started with an M? None
Do you think you've ruined your chances with someone? Probably.
What do you think of girls sixteen and younger going on birth control? What do you think of girls sixteen and younger having children?
Last time you smiled because you got a text? Yesterday.
Who's in your profile picture with you? No one, it's just me!
Do you like to make the first move? Not at all. I'm too shy.
Besides this, what are you doing right now? Taking this quiz and going to dry my hair.
The boy/girl you truly care about needs you at 3 AM, would you go? For anyone.
Something you just don't understand? Too many things.
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? Water.
What's the best thing that happened to you today? I didn't pass out in the shower.
Do you think your a good friend? I think sooo, yes.
Within the next 4 months, what are you looking forward to most? Going back to school.
Are there some songs you can't listen to because they remind you of someone? No, not really.
Do you have any dirty pictures on your cellphone? Nope
How would you feel if your last ex fell in love with someone else? Blah. We shouldn't talk about this. I'd be happy for him, I guess. It still might hurt a little.
Has an ex ever bought you a piece of jewelry? Joe got me really pretty earrings that I still wear (-_-) and a necklace with an A on it.
Name something you hate? Being out of control.
Has anyone said you have changed lately? I think I've changed a lot since I've been home. Perhaps I'm wrong.
How old will you be on your next birthday? 21.
Do you find it in your heart to forgive? Yeah.
Have you ever tried Gatorade? Orange Gatorade is basically the single greatest drink on the planet. I'm addicted to it.
Last restaurant you went to? Fusilli
What is the weather like today? Gloomy and chilly, but not raining yet.
Have you ever told someone you loved them but didn't mean it? Never.
What were you doing at 2 AM, Saturday night? I was watching Enchanted.
Do you watch a lot of movies? Yess
Are you currently in a "I wouldn't mind if I lost 50 pounds" kind of mood? If I lost 50 pounds, I'd be massively underweight. I'm not stupid. Five, maybe.
Do your parents yell at you constantly about "cleaning up after yourself"? No.
Would you rather give up the computer or the TV? TV because I can watch TV on the computer.
What are you saving your money up for right now? I don't know.
What flavor ice cream did you last have? I wish I had chocolate chip cookie dough :(
Do you wish you had the chance to tell someone something right now? I don't know. I don't really have anything to say right now, I guess.
Do you want to fix things with anybody? Things happened the way they did because I made them happen that way. Why should I get a chance to fix them and honestly, what would I do? There isn't really much I could do differently.
When is the last time you were amused? Yesterday.
Have your parents ever caught you drinking? Negative.
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| I'm your girl and you're my man, I promise to love you the best that I can |
[Sunday, May 31st, 2009 @ 5:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
I now present, a list.
1) My throat hurts. wtf, summer. 2) I have rearranged my room, vaguely. 3) I am reading a book called Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting in an attempt to learn how to vibrate at a high frequency. Like attracts like, you see, and I would like to attract other high frequency things. This would be considered good. 4) Cuzzins Smoothies suck. 5) I am tired. 6) Drag Me to Hell is a scary movie and my belief that I do not like scary movies has been reaffirmed. 7) Hopefully this week, Roseanna and I will commence watching Buffy seasons one and two as well as Mega Shark v. Giant Octopus and it will be wonderful. 8) The wifi on my laptop has crapped out, came back, crapped out again, came back again and has now crapped out a third time. I am getting increasingly frustrated with Linux, despite my love affair with it. 9) I can't wait for camp to start. 10) I hope I get another job as well, though.
That is all! Good day.
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[Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 @ 2:46pm] |
Apparently, my ability to reason is inversely related to the quality of my hair, which I am overly obsessed with.
...What?
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[Friday, May 8th, 2009 @ 10:08am] |
So I know I never update. Here's my dream!
I was on the Spring Fling boat, having a good time when we were docking. I leaned over to get a good look at the dock and I fell off! Someone was already in the water and he was like we're going to have to get you out quick, there are sharks here. So far he didn't see any, but they were there. So then they told me to stay close to the boat so that the families of the pirates didn't see the pirates trying to get me, because the families were trying to ban water travel O_O eventually they threw a rope down and I had to propel myself up. As I was coming up over the edge, I hit my head on the railing and passed out but luckily I fell onto the boat and not back into the water.
Yeah. Weird. Student government was somehow involved, before we got on the boat. It was the moving up ceremony thing. I don't get it either.
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| Hold on, baby you're losing it |
[Monday, May 4th, 2009 @ 10:50am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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I keep trying to make updates, but then I remember that I don't do anything interesting in my life.
Hence my neglecting LiveJournal.
Love you guys and I can't wait to see you all next week when I come home.
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[Wednesday, Apr 29th, 2009 @ 2:08pm] |
I am lacking sooo much motivation right now. Ahhhh.
Oh boy.
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[Friday, Apr 17th, 2009 @ 6:04pm] |
Today, I got a Dare. Today, I have 16 dollars in my bank account.
FML.
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| I hope everyone had a good Easter! |
[Tuesday, Apr 14th, 2009 @ 12:52pm] |
Okay, so this Amazon thing.
I really don't think that it's some grand plan on their part. No way in HELL would they risk the bad publicity of just removing book titles without anything to back it up.
http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/2009/04/12/amazon-possibly-using-category-metadata-to-filter-rankings/
That's what I am kind of agreeing with. I think Amazon, along with Google and Yahoo lately, are trying to filter out the adult content and Amazon went by these search words that the authors listed the titles under. They may not have been specific enough about it even then because (at least, this is the impression I am under) "erotica" was taken out but not "erotica pornography", in the instance of Ron Jeremy's memoir.
Regardless of any of this, Amazon is a privately owned company. Supposedly (and I can't back this up, this is just what I'm reading), they emailed at least two authors with content that would be challenged about a policy change in February. One can infer that it was about this keyword thing. If they didn't change their keywords after this information was given to them, then tough luck. Again, I can't back this up, but this is just what I'm reading. Supposedly, a man who was flipping the tags screwed it up ridiculously.
If this was a legitimate method on Amazon's part to target the GLBT community, then it's a really crappy thing to do and they're going to lose business. But that's the exact reason that I don't think that's what it is. No major company in their right mind would risk something like that, especially in a recession, especially when people don't necessarily want to pay the extra money it costs to ship something to your house. It just doesn't make sense.
Frankly, though, Amazon's ranking system has always been rather arbitrary.
This makes the most sense: http://www.cheryl-morgan.com/?p=4528
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| Everything looks perfect from far away, come down now...we'll stay |
[Monday, Mar 30th, 2009 @ 1:46pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
] |
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music |
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Such Great Heights, The Postal Service |
] |
Last week was really uninteresting, so I will skip over that. I hung out with Nate every single day, basically. We don't do much.
But all right...I had such a great weekend. I went on a leadership conference to Hershey, PA with my school and while I was apprehensive about it at first (I'm really not much of a leader-type), I found myself having a great time.
It started on Friday. There were about 27 of us. I knew some people...Jessica, Nate, DJ, Ali, Kerry, Lisa, Ryan, Damien, Maria, Lindsay. I think that's it. Not too many, right? So we met down in Leo in a conference room and did ice breakers. Basically everyone went around and said a little about themselves. Then we moved to another room because it was officially not being used anymore and had some talks. Kevin McCluskey talked about what he thought leadership was (I glared at him the whole time because he didn't give me a good RA interview score, apparently. Then a professor came and talked about motivation. After the talks, we found out who our roommates were (mine was Maria...luckily!) and then we headed back up to main campus to eat dinner. We had a break after that for a while to pack or whatever, then we had to go to International Night, which was mildly boring.
After International Night, Jessica had to talk to DJ again so I went to Horan with Nate. He bailed on me for a while, so I hung out with Jimmy, his roommate. After a little while, he came back and I headed back to Jasper to pack.
Saturday morning, we had to get up at 8 to get on the bus for PA. It took about four hours to get there. We were staying at the Hershey Lodge, so we ate lunch there and had some more meetings and talks. The "Student Government in a Nutshell" talk ended up being an hour and a half long -_- yeah. Then we had to go get ready for the Hershey Symphony Orchestra Gala. I don't dance so it was slightly awkward, but I had fun anyways kinda. After the gala, Danielle Caggiano came to visit my hotel briefly, so that was fun. Then I was talking to Nate until like 6 am trying to figure out information on his life.
Everyone else, however, was getting it on. Guys, this was a free-for-all. Everyone was hooking up with EVERYONE. It was ridiculous.
Sunday, we had to get up at 8 again for breakfast. Yay two hours of sleep! Everyone was kind of awkward with each other because of...well, pretty much the gigantic orgy that had happened the night before. We had breakfast and a few more talks. Then we went to Chocolate World, took the Chocolate Tour and saw a 3-D movie. Then we went back to the hotel and had lunch before departing for school again.
Not much happened but I had so much fun with everybody and I met so many people and learned so many new things about everybody. Plus, maybe student government isn't so awful after all.
I mailed in all my stuff for Costa Rica and I'm waiting on some test or something that I'll have to take. I should find out soon, which is excitingg!
I can't believe it's basically April already. I have some things I need to get done.
But for now...you know the rules! Make up your own question for #26. Be creative!
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? 02) What was your dream growing up? 03) What talent do you wish you had? 04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? 05) Favorite vegetable? 06) What was the last book you read? 07) What zodiac sign are you? 08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. 09) Worst Habit? 10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? 11) What is your favorite sport? 12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? 13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? 14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? 15) Tell me one weird fact about you. 16) Do you have any pets? 17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? 18) What was your first impression of me? 19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? 20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? 21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? 22) What color eyes do you have? 23) Ever been arrested? 24) Bottle or can soda? 25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? 26) 27) What's your favorite place to hang out at? 28) Do you believe in ghosts? 29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? 30) Do you swear a lot? 31) Biggest pet peeve? 32) In one word, how would you describe yourself? 33) Do you believe/appreciate romance? 34) Favourite and least favourite food? 35) Do you believe in God? 36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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[Tuesday, Mar 24th, 2009 @ 1:57am] |
I <3 Manhattan in the Sky by Kate Voegele. I'm not her biggest fan, but word do I like this song.
It's 2 ammmmmmmm why do I do this to myself.
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| I'm a living legend, you can look but don't touch |
[Saturday, Mar 21st, 2009 @ 2:42am] |
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music |
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Hot as Ice, B.Spears |
] |
Wow so break is going by so fast! It's already Friday.
My birthday was fun. I got Ralph's with Roseanna and hung out with her, then my mommy made me chicken cutlets and ziti because she loves me, even though the ziti wasn't all that good? Oh well.
Let's see, so what have I done this break...
Friday: We went out to eat for Matt's birthday and then I went to Applebees. Saturday: Jen and I went to the mall and I went to the movies with Roseanna and Ben and drove around for a little. Sunday: Matt Coleman, Brian and I went to Applebees for dinner and then I went bowling with Brian and a bunch of his Suffolk friends. I got a turkey!! Then we went back to his house and watched Awake. Monday: I might have spent Monday in my pajamas and loved it...I watched Gossip Girl too. Tuesday: I was kidnapped by Allison, Shannon and Melissa Walsh. We went to get Chinese food, to Stop and Shop, then to Applebees. We were there at midnight when it turned into my birthday. Wednesday: I went to Ralphs and came home and hung out around here while I turned 20. Thursday: I went to the mall with Roseanna and Allison to return a shirt and get my free Aerie gift. I got another Wall-E poster and a Gossip Girl one. Then Brian came over around 9 and we played Rock Band and went to Applebees. Today: I did nothing and it was glorious :D Tomorrow: I go to Create a Cake to get Joe a St. Joseph's cake for his birthday :)
Holy crap, I just applied to study abroad in Costa Rica. Oh my God.
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| One stop to the rhythm that divides you |
[Wednesday, Mar 18th, 2009 @ 11:51am] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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Semi Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind |
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Today is my birthday. I am twenty.
I just didn't follow the AP style guide rules for writing out numbers, but I'm sure no one will mind and Kim will never find my livejournal! :)
I'm twentyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ahhhhh. I kind of wish gmail would combine all these happy birthdays...into ONE MASSIVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMAIL to take over the world with. Muahahah.
I also decided that rhythm is the most awkward word. It just looks like a bunch of letters thrown together.
I am twenty.
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[Monday, Mar 16th, 2009 @ 2:00pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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Friday Night Lights |
] |
Sooo I didn't get RA. I'm kind of really, really bummed. Bright side, bright side, bright side. I can study abroad next semester in Costa Rica and not worry about switching off semesters with another RA.
Today I'm catching up on Friday Night Lights.
I feel like I'm completely back at square one :(
I want to go to Texas and find myself a handsome coach to marry.
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| Baby I want the whole world to see just how good your love looks on me |
[Thursday, Feb 26th, 2009 @ 12:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Love You Out Loud, Rascal Flatts |
] |
Just had my RA interview, which I think went really well! Hopefully. They seemed to like me, and I had them laughing a couple times. They definitely agreed with what I had to say too. It was 40 minutes long and idk if that's good or not, maybe I talked too much.
I am FREAKING OBSESSED with the song Love You Out Loud by Rascal Flatts. Please go youtube it right now. I keep listening to it on my iPod and youtube and I downloaded it as a ringtone >.> my mom's gonna kill me.
Orientation leader interview next week! Hopefully that one goes as well as this one, because I get legit caaaaaaash for that one :D good times.
Home tomorrow, Rent/haircut/mall on Saturday, Hudson River Museum on Sunday.
YOUTUBE THIS SONG. Or else.
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| Both hands, now use both hands, oh no, don't close your eyes |
[Wednesday, Feb 25th, 2009 @ 1:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Gods Love Nubia |
] |
Ahhhhhhhhh. I miss tech week so much!!! And drama omg.
I was thinking about it last night, about the feeling after our very last rehearsal of tech week. Sitting on the stage with Mr. Kramer, with everyone and all our stuff, and being so freaking tired. And just looking around at the empty auditorium, knowing that it would soon be filled with seats and it would be the last time I'd see it filled with seats for this reason. Going back and seeing the shows is so great, but I miss being in them more than anything.
I stopped this to write a note on Facebook and I'm so sad now!! Wahhh.
My college is doing Godspell this year. I'm sure that ours will have been better :)
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| I am falling, yes I am falling |
[Tuesday, Feb 24th, 2009 @ 7:13pm] |
Okay so this past week has been very busy! My sexual harassment lunch and article went very well, thank you very much. I did just however fail my bio test :(
On Friday I chilled and played Rock Band with Nate and went downtown to see ALLISON, Shannon, Becca and Roseanna, which was lovely as usual.
Then Saturday, since Nate found out that I've never had Brooklyn pizza, we went to Brooklyn for pizza. However, we ended up at his grandmas eating Spanish rice instead, playing more Rock Band and watching 300. Then I went back to my building and hung out with Josephh.
Sunday, I honestly did nothing. I did some homework, actually. I started outlining my bio chapters and stuff. I finished that yesterday, but it obviously didn't stick because I can't remember any of it! Oh well. The lowest test grade is dropped, so it's all good hopefully.
Today was free pancake dayyy at IHOP! Yay. It was delicious.
Thursday I have my RA interview and then I have an orientation leader interview the first week of March. I'm hoping I get at least ONE of those, preferably both. Apparently though, there are only 16 RA positions...I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
I am seriously so tired right now. I am also sad that Walle only one won category. Oh well, it's quality, not quantity and I guess Best Animated Picture is pretty damned good. Also, I think Natalie Portman looked so freaking pretty. I wasn't really a fan of the angled dresses, I feel like a lot of them were strange looking (I'm looking at you, Resse and Kate! Beautiful otherwise, but the straps were WEIRD!).
Naptime.
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[Sunday, Feb 22nd, 2009 @ 4:40pm] |
SO TO ADD TO MY APARTMENT ISSUES.
1) Jessica's parents said no. 2) I got through to the second round of RA selection process.
Now I get to feel like a huge jerk and tell Kyle and Arniqua and Danny that I can't make a commitment to them because of the RA thing. Great. I hate doing things like this. I'm so non-confrontational. Blah.
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